Vacation & Autism
We just enjoyed a 3 night mini-vacation as a family to Big Bear Lake, California. We were fortunate to rent one of my fellow autism mama and friend’s gorgeous cabins, close to the lake and the cute little village with shops. We’ve been dealing with an almost 8 week sleep regression with Phoenix, Harvey’s job has been stressful, and if I’m being 100 % transparent, I regularly reach a state of burnout where I become very aware that my family and I need a getaway. While we live in arguably one of the most beautiful communities in Southern California, if not the entire nation, nestled between a scenic harbor and a glorious beach, I find myself craving the tranquility of a wooded forest retreat. We visit Big Bear, or neighboring Idlyllwild at least once each year. A time for us to collectively close our computers, grab a book or two, dust off the long-forgotten sudoku puzzle magazine, practice deeper conversational skills (a feat with a teenager and non-conversational child with autism), sleep in (or take shifts with Phoenix’s sleep disturbances), savor cups of coffee and more gluten free waffles than usual, and take evening walks to the lake…right when the sun is dipping low enough to look like the lake is lapping at it’s aura.
And while all of this sounds idyllic, it also makes me confront a personal goal of mine that I have yet to achieve: “build a life that you don’t need to take a vacation from” (I think credit goes to Rob Hill Sr. although the quote has been co-opted by many!). As much as I’ve tried to build a beautiful life with intentional morning and evening rituals, weekly rhythms for my family, physical activity, housekeeping routines, etc”, I still yearn for simple adventures that help me escape from the daily stressors of life. I do want to create a life where I don’t want to escape.
A new friend of mine, Heather Cadenhead, recently shared a powerful message about respite. It was misunderstood by many, which I think says more about the underlying guilt writhing within the reader, rather than the actual words she wrote. She essentially challenged parents to create a life that they DON’T need respite from. To stop outsourcing the care of their child(ren) to others and instead find a way to relish their caretaking responsibilities through partnership. While my husband and I DO have one trusted respite care worker, we have no family members or friends within our local community that we can regularly entrust our son with. We don’t take our respite care for granted, especially since it’s very few hours per month, but her words strike a chord within me. I am borderline obsessed with my son and I don’t want to FEEL like he’s a burden or that I need to escape from him. Yes, a date night on occasion would be nice. In fact, we’ve never even spent a single night together away from him his entire life. I just want him to know that his parents are taking care of themselves…body, mind, and spirit, so that we can be by his side for as long as God finds fit. In the meantime, I’ll be here trying to simplify my life a little more each day, to allow for more presence, and less escape.